Episode 307.a Bubble Guppies: Nonny Pirruccello and the Chamber of Secrets! (Part 1)

Plot
It's Year 2 at Bubblewarts, and Nonny Pirruccello, Gil, and Molly are back learning, but their year doesn't go past quietly. Members of the school are turning up petrified and bloody writing are appearing on the walls, revealing to everyone, that someone has opened the chamber of secrets. The attacks continue, bringing the possibility of the closure of Hogwarts. Nonny and his friends are now forced to secretly uncover the truth about the chamber before the school closes or any lives are taken.

Cast (Characters from the real movie)

 * Nonny as (Harry Potter)
 * Gil as (Ron Weasley)
 * Molly as (Hermione Granger)
 * Mr. Mitchell as (Vernon Dursley)
 * Mrs. Mitchell as (Petunia Dursley)
 * Micheal as (Dudley Dursley)
 * Clam as (Dobby)
 * Pablo as (Fred Weasley)
 * Brett as (George Weasley)
 * Oona as (Ginny Weasley)
 * Mrs. Gordon as (Molly Weasley)
 * Mr. Gordon as (Arthur Weasley)
 * Hauntsworth as (Percy Weasley)
 * Mr. Grumpfish as (Severus Snape)
 * Mr. Grouper as (Albus Dumbledore)
 * Mrs. Grouper as (Minerva McGonagall)
 * Rock Ness Lobster as (Gilderoy Lockhart)
 * The Color Monster as (Tom Riddle)
 * Crabs, Lobsters, and Snails as (Other characters)

Information

 * Genres: Adventure, Family, Fantasy
 * Rating: PG for a little violence, a little cursing, and a bit of scary scenes.
 * Type of film: Fantasy.

Trivia

 * This is based on the 2002 film "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets." You can read about it on Wikipedia or IMDb
 * There are regular characters and fanon characters. Some don't return in this movie while there are new characters too.
 * This is the sequel to "Nonny Pirruccello and the Philosopher's Stone!" This story takes place a year after the first story.

​Story
Start of Part 1.

(Scene: Nonny's Bedroom)

(Nonny pages through a scrapbook, stops on a moving photo of Gil and Molly. Nonny jumps. HEDWIG pecks at the lock slung through her cage door, then glowers at Nonny.)

Nonny: I can't, Hedwig. I'm not allowed  to use magic outside of school. Besides, if Mr. Mitchell -

(At the sound of the name, Hedwig squawks again, louder.)

Mr. Mitchell: Non-ny Pirruc-cello!

Nonny: Now you've done it.

(Scene: Kitchen)

(While Mrs. Mitchell puts the finishing touches to a pudding of whipped cream and sugared violets, Mr. Mitchell struggles with Micheal's bow tie, all the while glowering at Nonny.)

Mr. Mitchell: I warned you. If you can't control that bloody bird, it'll have to go.

Nonny: She's bored. If I could just let her out for an hour or two -

Mr. Mitchell: And have you sending secret messages to your freaky little friends? No, sir.

Nonny: But I haven't gotten any messages. From any of my friends. Not one. All summer.

Micheal: Who'd want to be friends with you?

Mr. Mitchell: I should think you'd be more grateful. We raise you since you were a baby, give you food off our table, even let you have Micheal's second bedroom... purely out of the goodness of our hearts.

Micheal: I thought he got the second bedroom because Mum was afraid he'd turn us into dung beetles if you put him back in the cupboard under the stairs.

(Mrs. Mitchell stops cold, exchanges a dark look with Mr. Mitchell, then sees Micheal extending a finger for the pudding.)

Mrs. Mitchell: Not yet, popkin. That's for when Martin and Dot arrive.

Mr. Mitchell: Which should be any moment. Now. Let's run through our schedule one more time. Petunia, when Martin and Dot get here, you will be -

Mrs. Mitchell: In the lounge, waiting to welcome them graciously to our home.

Mr. Mitchell: Good. And Micheal?

Micheal: I'll be waiting to open the door.

Mr. Mitchell: Excellent. (turning on Nonny) And you?

Nonny: I'll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending I don't exist.

Mr. Mitchell: Too right you will. With any luck, this could well be the day I make the biggest deal of my career.

(The doorbell rings. Instantly, Mr. Mitchell shoves Nonny out of the kitchen and into the hallway.)

Mr. Mitchell: Upstairs! Hurry!

(Scene: Nonny's Bedroom)

(Nonny enters, turns, and stops dead: a tiny grey clam with bat-like ears and black beady eyes is jumping on his bed as if it were a trampoline.)

Tiny Grey Clam: Nonny Pirruccello! Such an honor it is!

Nonny: What... Who are you?

Tiny Grey Clam: Clam, sir. Clam the house clam.

Nonny: I see. Not to be rude or anything, but this isn't a great time for me to have a house-clam in my bedroom.

Clam: Oh, yes, sir, Clam understands. It's just that, Clam has come to tell you... it is difficult, sir... Clam wonders where to begin.

Nonny: Why don't you sit down?

Clam: S-s-sit down?

(Suddenly Clam bursts into tears. Loud tears. Nonny panics.)

Nonny: Shhhh! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you or anything -

Clam: Offend Clam! Clam has heard of your greatness, sir, but never has he been asked to sit down by a wizard, like an equal...

Nonny: You can't have met many decent wizards then.

(Clam shakes his head, then without warning, leaps off the bed and starts to bang his head furiously on the floor.)

Clam: Bad Clam! Bad Clam!

(Scene: Living Room)

(Mr. Mitchell pours champagne for Martin and Dot. As Clam's head banging sounds from above, all eyes shift to the ceiling. Mr. Mitchell chuckles nervously.)

Mr. Mitchell: Don't mind that. It's just the... cat.

Micheal: Cat? What cat?

Mr. Mitchell: Our cat, tiger.

(Scene: Nonny's Bedroom)

(Clam gets back to his feet, wobbling, eyes spinning dizzily. Nonny regards him with a mixture of concern... and wariness.)

Nonny: Are you... all right?

Clam: Clam had to punish himself, sir. Clam almost spoke ill of his family, sir.

Nonny: Your... family?

Clam: The wizard family Clam serves, sir. Clam is bound to serve one family forever. If they ever knew Clam was here...

(Clam shudders in fear, then looks up, whispers urgently.)

Clam: But Clam had to come. Clam has to protect Nonny Pirruccello. To warn him. (in a fierce whisper) Nonny Pirruccello must not go back to Bubblewarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry this year.

Nonny: Not go back? But... I have to.

Clam: This is a plot. A plot to make most terrible things happen. If Nonny Pirruccello goes back to school he will be in great danger.

Nonny: What terrible things? Who's plotting them?

(Clam makes a funny choking and gagging noise.)

Nonny: Okay! I understand. You can't say -

(Too late. Clam grabs the bedside lamp and starts beating himself about the head and yelping loudly.)

(Scene: Living Room)

(Mr. Mitchell is in the midst of telling a joke.)

Mr. Mitchell: They arrive at the ninth hole and -

(Clam's yelps interrupt, ringing out from above.)

Martin: Sounds as if that cat of yours has dragged something in with it, Mitchell.

Mr. Mitchell: Not to worry. I'll sort it out.

(Scene: Nonny's Bedroom)

(Nonny wrestles the lamp away from Clam.)

Nonny: Stop! Stop!

(Footsteps thunder on the landing. Quickly, Nonny grabs Clam by the pillowcase and pitches him into the wardrobe... just as the door flings open.)

Mr. Mitchell: What the devil are you doing up here! You've just ruined the punch line of my Japanese golfer joke. One more sound and you'll wish you'd never been born, boy!

(He stomps flat-footed from the room and slams the door. Nonny lets Clam out of the wardrobe.)

Nonny: See why I've got to go back? I don't belong here. I belong in your world - at Bubblewarts. It's the only place I've got... friends.

Clam: Friends who don't even write to Nonny Pirruccello?

Nonny: Well, I expect they've been - hang on, how do you know my friends haven't been writing me?

(Guiltily, Clam takes out a stack of letters.)

Clam: Nonny Pirruccello mustn't be angry with Clam - Clam hoped if Nonny Pirruccello thought his friends had forgotten him... Nonny Pirruccello might not want to go back to school, sir...

Nonny: Give me those. Now.

(Clam frowns sadly, then dashes out the door.)

(Scene: Hallway)

(Panicking, Nonny flies desperately after, Clam bouncing like a ping-pong ball down the stairs and into the kitchen.)

(Scene: Kitchen)

(As Nonny races in, he finds Clam on the counter, waving his arms. Mrs. Mitchell's masterpiece of a pudding rises, then floats into the living room, hovering over Martin and Dot's heads. Martin and Dot don't see, but the Mitchells -- goggle-eyed--do.)

Nonny: Clam... Please... No...

Clam: Nonny Pirruccello must say he's not going back to school.

Nonny: I can't. Bubblewarts is my home.

Clam: (a tragic expression) Then Clam must do it, sir. For Nonny Pirruccello's own good.

(Clam snaps his fingers. The pudding plummets... straight onto Martin and Dot. They stand blinking, covered head to foot with whipped cream and sugared violets. Martin and Dot exit. Mr and Mrs. Mitchell race after them.)

Mr. Mitchell: I'm sorry. It's our nephew. Very disturbed. Meeting strangers upsets him, so we kept him upstairs...

(Scene: Front of Mitchell's House)

(Martin and Dot race out of the house, the Mitchells following.)

Mrs. Mitchell: We have ice cream...

(Martin and Dot get into their car and drive off, just as a shrieking sound splits the sky. An OWL swoops down, and drops a letter at Mr. Mitchell's feet. He picks up the letter, opens it. As he reads it, a mad gleam dances in Mr. Mitchell's eye. He turns and races back inside the house. Mrs. Mitchell follows.)

(Scene: Inside the Mitchell's House)

(Mr. Mitchell runs back into the living room, extends the letter to Nonny.)

Mr. Mitchell: Go on. Read it.

Nonny: 'Dear Mr. Pirruccello. We have received intelligence that a Hover Charm was used at your place of residence at twelve minutes past seven this evening. As you know, underage wizards...'

Mr. Mitchell: '... are not permitted to perform spells outside school.' (snatching the letter) You didn't tell us you weren't allowed to use magic at home. Slipped your mind, didn't it? Well, I've got news for you, boy. I'm locking you up! And if you try to magic yourself out, they'll expel you! You're never going back to that school! Never!

(Scene: Nonny's Bedroom)

(Mr. Mitchell fits iron bars to the inside of Nonny's window. He drills a metal flap to the base of the bedroom door. He fits a fat, grey lock to the door itself. Soaking with sweat, he casts Nonny a nasty grin and pulls shut the door. It closes with the dull clank of a cell. Harry stares gloomily out the window. The metal flap rattles and Micheal's pudgy hand slides a bowl of tinned soup onto the floor. He grins cruelly through the opening.)

Micheal: I know what day it is.

Nonny: Well done, Micheal. Finally learned the days of the week, have you.

Micheal: Today's your birthday. And nobody cares.

(Micheal snaps shut the flap. Nonny sighs, takes the soup and a bit of stale bread, and crosses to Hedwig.)

Nonny: It's no good turning your beak up. It's all we've got.

(Nonny feeds a piece of bread to Hedwig. Nonny leans against the wall. Asleep. There is a gentle tapping sound. Nonny opens his eyes and is stunned to see... Gil Gordon staring through the bedroom window.)

Nonny: Gil?

Gil: Hiya, Nonny.

(An old, turquoise-colored Ford Angelia floats in midair. Gil leans out the back window. His brother Pablo sits in the driver's seat. Pablo's twin Brett is in the passenger seat.)

Nonny: Pablo? Brett? What're you doing here?

Gil: Rescuing you, of course. Where's your trunk?

(Stuffed with clothes, spellbooks. The trunk closes, snap shut. Nonny drags the trunk to the windowsill, watches Gil tie off a fierce knot on the bars of Nonny's window.)

Gil: Stand back.

(Nonny steps back. Gil turns, nods to Pablo. Pablo steps on the accelerator.)

(Scene: Front of Mitchell's House)

(The Ford Anglia flies up into the air, the rope snaps tight, and - the bars are torn from the window. Bricks and bars rain down onto the lawn below, a mangled mess.)

(Scene: Mr and Mrs. Mitchell's Bedroom)

(Mr and Mrs. Mitchell woke up.)

(Scene: Nonny's Bedroom)

(Nonny pushes the trunk over the sill into the Anglia's boot, then scrambles through the window himself.)

Nonny: Hedwig!

(Nonny clambers back, grabs Hedwig's cage, swings it onto the ledge. The bedroom door crashes open.)

Mr. Mitchell: Petunia! He's getting away!

(As Nonny leaps for the windowsill, Mr. Mitchell charges forward and snatches his ankle. Nonny tumbles into the darkness, one hand gripping Hedwig's cage, the other reaching out and... catching Gil's at the last possible second. Mr. Mitchell puts both hands to Nonny's ankle, pulls harder. Gil braces himself, pulls back. Nonny hangs, stretched high over the lawn, directly above the mangled steel bars. Nonny's hand begins to slip from Gil's fingers. Hedwig pecks feverishly at the lock.)

Gil: Hold on, Nonny!

Mr. Mitchell: Oh no, boy! You and that bloody pigeon aren't going anywhere!

(Nonny's hand begins to slip away from Gil's. Hedwig pecks harder and... the cage opens. Hedwig swoops into the sky, wheels back and hammers her beak into Mr. Mitchell's hand. He roars, stumbles back and... Gil and Brett pull Nonny into the air.)

Gil: Put your foot down, Pablo!

(Like a rocket, the Anglia sails into the stars. Nonny glances back, sees Mrs. Mitchell and Micheal join Mr. Mitchell at the window. As Hedwig races up, soaring just beyond the car window, Gil turns to Nonny.)

Gil: By the way, Nonny. Happy Birthday.

(Scene: The Burrow)

(As the Anglia drops through a pink sky, a haphazard mess of a house, built around a towering central chimney, appears below. By the road, a lopsided sign reads: The Burrow. The car touches down in a whirling cone of dust, scatters a group of chickens, and fishtails to a halt. The boys spill quickly out of the car. Pablo whispers urgently.)

Pablo: Hurry! Let's nip inside before Mum wakes up!

(Sceen: Front Room)

(The boys sneak inside, gently close the door. Nonny stops. Magical objects surround him: A clock displays different chores for each family member. A pair of needles knit a sweater by themselves. And a stack of playing cards that. A stack of playing cards shuffle themselves, providing a cooling breeze for Ron's aging puppy, Bubble Puppy. Gil shrugs, averts his eyes self-consciously.)

Gil: It's not much.

Nonny: I think it's... brilliant!

(Gil looks up. He sees Nonny's mesmerized face.  Slowly... he grins.)

Mrs. Gordon: Where... have... you... been?!?

(The boys nearly jump out of their skin. Mrs. Gordon stands in the doorway. Furious. She smiles sweetly at Nonny.)

Mrs. Gordon: Nonny! How wonderful to see you. (back to the boys) Beds empty! No note! You could've died! You could've been seen! (again, to Nonny) I don't blame you, of course, dear.

Gil: They were starving him, Mum! There were bars on his window!

Mrs. Gordon: You best hope I don't put bars on your window, Gil Gordon! (softening instantly) Care for a spot of tea, Nonny?

Oona: Mummy. Have you seen my jumper --

(A small, violet-headed girl appears. She sees Nonny. And... she squeals. She dashes back up the stairs. Gil frowns.)

Gil: Oona. Been talking about you all summer. Dead annoying, really.

Brett: Dad's home!

(The front door OPENS and Mr. Gordon enters. A tall man with blue hair, his robes look dusty and travel-worn.)

Mr. Gordon: What a night! Nine raids! Nine!

Nonny: (to Gil) Raids?

Gil: Dad works at the Ministry of Magic. In the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office.

Nonny: The Misuse of Muggle Artefacts...?

Gil: That's when wizards bewitch something to drive Muggles mad. Shrinking door keys, that kind of thing. Dad loves Muggles. Thinks they're fascinating.

(Mr. Gordon hangs up his cloak, turns. He blinks.)

Mr. Gordon: Well now. Who are you?

Nonny: Nonny, sir. Nonny Pirruccello.

Mr. Gordon: Good Lord, are you really? Gil's told us all about you, of course. When did you get here?

Mrs. Gordon: (darkly) This morning. Your sons flew that enchanted car of yours to Surrey house and back last night.

Mr. Gordon: Did you now! How'd it go?! (catching his wife's eye) I... I mean... That was very wrong, boys. Very wrong indeed. So, Nonny. You must know all about Muggles. Tell me, what exactly is the function of a parking meter?

(Nonny is about to answer, when he notices an owl soaring toward the kitchen window. To Nonny's horror, the owl doesn't pull up. It just flies into the glass.)

Mrs. Gordon: That must be Errol with the post. Fetch him, will you, Brett?

(Brett takes the unconscious Errol, absently lays him on a draining board, and takes the letters clutched in his claws.)

Brett: It's our Bubblewarts letters! And look. They've sent Nonny's as well.

Mr. Gordon: Mr. Grouper must know you're here, Nonny. Doesn't miss a trick, that man.

Pablo: (reading his) This lot won't come cheap, Mum. The spellbooks alone...

Mrs. Gordon: We'll manage. Right then. There's only one place to get all of this.

Nonny, Gil, Pablo, and Brett: Diagon Alley!

(Scene: Living Room)

(Everyone has gathered in front of the large fireplace.)

Mrs. Gordon: You first, Nonny dear.

(Mrs. Gordon offers Nonny a flowerpot. At the bottom is a layer of very soft dust. Nonny frowns in confusion.)

Gil: Nonny's never traveled by Floo Powder before, Mum.

Nonny: Floo Powder?

(Just then, Gil's older brother enters)

Mrs. Gordon: Hauntsworth. Would you mind going first, so Nonny can see how it's done?

Hauntsworth: Certainly, Mother. Don't worry, Nonny. It's simple enough.

(Hauntsworth takes a pinch from the pot, pitches it into the fireplace and bright green flames roar high. To Nonny's amazement, he calmly walks... straight into them.)

Hauntsworth: Diagon Alley.

(Hauntsworth vanishes. Tentatively, Nonny reaches into the pot.)

Mrs. Gordon: Remember to speak clearly, dear!

Gil: And mind you get out at the right grate!

Nonny: (nodding, unsure) D-Dia-gon Alley!

(Scene: Spiraling Tunnel)

(The sound is deafening as Nonny hurtles forward, squinting against the sting of whirling soot and the mad, flickering lights of passing fireplaces.)

(Scene: Borgin and Burkes)

(He falls face forward onto a stone hearth. Dizzy and dirty, Nonny reclaims his shattered goggles. He's tumbled into a wizard's shop, but a decidedly creepy one. He starts to exit, when a withered hand in a glass case catches his eye: The Hand of Glory. Nearby, an opal necklace gleams: Caution: Do not touch. Cursed - Has Claimed the Lives of Nineteen Muggle Owners to Date. Oddly transfixed by it all, Harry drifts toward the exit, when Tobias Gordon and his father appear beyond the front window, approaching the shop. Nonny glances about, spies a large black cabinet and slips inside. As he pulls the doors closed, a tiny card swings into view: Crushing Cabinet. Tobias and his father enter. A stooped man emerges from the back room. In the cabinet, Nonny watches, unaware that the walls around him are... slowly closing in.)

Stooped Man: Mr. Gordon! What a pleasure to see you again. If I may, just in today --

Rawfley: I'm not buying today, Monsier Yellow. But selling.

Monsier Yellow: Selling?

Rawfley: You have heard, of course, that the Ministry of Magic is conducting more raids. There are even rumors of a new Muggle Protection Act...

(Rawfley unravels a roll of parchment, hands it to Monsier Yellow.)

Rawfley: I have a few... ah... items at home that might prove embarrassing if the Ministry were to call. Certain poisons and the like...

Monsier Yellow: Hmmm... yes. I see...

(Inside the cabinet, Nonny realizes the walls are closing in. His eyes shift upward. The ceiling is dropping. Tobias drifts to the Hand of Glory, reaches out, when... the hand grabs him. Tobias shrieks, manages to slip free, then calms. He eyes the hand with malicious glee.)

Tobias: Can I have this?

Monsier Yellow: Ah, the Hand of Glory. Insert a candle and it gives light only to the holder. Best friend of thieves and plunderers. Your son has fine taste, sir.

Rawfley: Hopefully my son will amount to more than a thief, Monsier Yellow. Though if his marks don't pick up --

Tobias: It's not my fault the teachers have favorites. That Molly Gentilella --

Rawfley: I would have thought you'd be ashamed that a girl of no wizarding family beat you in every exam.

Monsier Yellow: It's the same all over. Wizard blood is counting for less everywhere.

Rawfley: (deadly) Not with me.

(Inside the cabinet, Nonny's knees are up under his chin... Monsier Yellow checks off one last time, then returns the parchment to Rawfley. Satisfied, Rawfley nods.)

Rawfley: Very good. I'll expect you at the manor tomorrow. Come, Tobias.

(They exit. As Monsier Yellow slips into the back room, the Crushing Cabinet's doors fly open and Nonny leaps free. Inside, the walls, floor, and ceiling snap shut! Monsier Yellow reappears, blinks curiously at Nonny, then watches him race out the door.)

(Scene: Knockturn Alley)

(Once outside, Nonny fits his broken goggles to his face, eyes a street sign: "Knockturn Alley." The vendors here clearly cater to the Dark Arts: shrunken heads, poisonous candles. One window teems with spiders.)

Aged Witch Crab: Not lost are you, my dear?

(Harry wheels, looking into the mossy teeth of a decrepit witch. She holds a tray of human fingernails.)

Nonny: I'm fine, thanks. I'm just -

Mr. Langoustine: Nonny! What d'yer think yer doin' down 'ere?

Nonny: Mr. Langoustine!

(Mr. Langoustine knocks the tray from the cursing Witch's hands, then seizes Nonny by the scruff of the neck and steers him away.)

(Scene: Diagon Alley)

(Mr. Langoustine swats at Nonny's sooty clothes.)

Mr. Langoustine: Yer a mess! Skulkin' 'round Knockturn Alley. Dodgy place, Nonny. Don't want no one ter see yeh down there. People'll be thinkin' yer up ter no good.

Nonny: I was lost, I - Hang on. What were you doing down there?

Mr. Langoustine: I was lookin' fer a Flesh Eatin' Slug Repellent. They're ruinin' the school cabbages.

Molly: Nonny!

(Nonny looks up, and sees Molly Gentilella standing at the top of Gringotts' white steps. She runs down to meet them.)

Molly: Hello, Mr. Langoustine. Oh, it's wonderful to see you two again.

(She stops then, cocks her head curiously at Nonny, then takes out her wand and points it directly between his eyes.)

Molly: Oculus Reparo.

(Instantly, Nonny's goggles are mended.)

Nonny: I need to remember that one.

Molly: C'mon. Everyone's been so worried.

(Molly leads them to Gringotts, where Molly's rather nervous-looking Muggle parents stand with the Gordons.)

Mr. Gordon: So you're dentists! Fascinating! I understand other Muggles quite fear you? Why is that?

Mrs. Gordon: Oh, Nonny. Thank goodness. We hoped you'd only gone one grate too far. Come now. We're off to Flourish and Blotts.

Molly: Isn't it thrilling! The Rock Star Lobster's going to be there! We can actually meet him! I mean, he's written almost the whole booklist!

(As Mrs. Gordon and Molly dash off, Nonny frowns.)

Nonny: Who?

(Scene: Flourish and Blotts)

(There is a handsome, dark-haired lobster with stunning pearl-white teeth. He miles and winks, but is actually an image of the Rock Ness Lobster who is actually a moving photograph propped in the window. A placard declares: Here today! Signing copies of his autobiography, magical me... the Rock Ness Lobster! Harry and the others thread their way through a chattering throng of middle-aged ladies, all craning their necks for a view of the Rock Ness Lobster, who sits signing books at the rear of the shop. At the sight of him, Mrs. Gordon pats her hair.)

Mrs. Gordon: There he is!

Gil: Mum fancies him.

(For this, Mrs. Gordon gives Gil a jab in the shoulder. A short man crab with a camera bumps past.)

Short Man Crab: Out of the way! This is for The Daily Prophet!

(Instantly, the Rock Ness Lobster looks up, flashes a smile, when...)

Rock Ness Lobster: It can't be Nonny Pirruccello?

(The crowd whispers excitedly as the Rock Ness Lobster dives forward, seizes Nonny's hand and turns him toward the photographer.)

Rock Ness Lobster: (under his breath) Nice big smile, Nonny. Together, you and I rate the front page. (as the camera flashes) Ladies and gentlemen! What an extraordinary moment this is! When young Nonny here stepped into Flourish and Blotts this morning to purchase my autobiography, Magical Me - which, incidentally is celebrating its twenty-seventh week atop The Daily Prophet's Bestseller List - he had no idea that he would, in fact, be leaving with my entire collected works! Free of charge!

(As the crowd claps, the Rock Ness Lobster catches the eye of a flunky and, before Nonny knows it, a towering stack of books is shoved into his arms. Mortified, Nonny mumbles quietly.)

Nonny: Thank you.

(Slipping free, Nonny drifts back into the crowd and, red with embarrassment, drops the books into Oona's cauldron.)

Nonny: You have these. I'll buy my own -

Tobias: (appearing, sneers) Bet you loved that, didn't you, Pirruccello? Famous Nonny Pirruccello. Can't even go into a bookshop without making the front page.

Oona: Leave him alone! He didn't want all that!

Tobias: Look, Pirruccello. You've got yourself a girlfriend!

Rawfley: Silence, Tobias! Ah... Mr. Pirruccello. I don't believe we've met.

(Lucius Malfoy extends his hand, as if offering to shake Nonny's, but instead gently plays his fingers over the fringe of Nonny's scalp, revealing Nonny's lightning bolt scar. At his touch, Nonny withdraws, ever so slightly.)

Rawfley: Forgive me, Mr. Pirruccello. But your scar is legend. As, of course, is the wizard who gave it to you.

Nonny: He was a murderer.

Rawfley: Yes, a pity about your parents. Curious that you yourself should escape with a mere flesh wound. Curious, too, that you speak of him in the past. Surely, you don't think He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is gone forever.

Nonny: His name is Rotten Tomato.

(Those within earshot gasp as Nonny utters the word.)

Rawfley: You must be very brave, Mr. Pirruccello, to dare speak his name. Or foolish.

Molly: Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.

(Rawfley's eyes slide, find Molly staring defiantly.)

Rawfley: You must be Miss Gentilella. Tobias's told me all about you... and your parents. Muggles, aren't you?

(Mr. and Mrs. Gentilella nod nervously. Rawfley can barely disguise his distaste for them. Arthur Gordon hurries over.)

Mr. Gordon: Gil! Nonny! It's mad in here. Let's go outside.

Rawfley: Well, well, well - Arthur Gordon.

Mr. Gordon: (stiffly) Rawfley.

Rawfley: Busy time at the Ministry. All those raids. I hope they're paying you overtime.

(Rawfley reaches into Oona's cauldron, removes a very old, battered copy of A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration.)

Rawfley: Obviously not. Dear me. What's the use of being a disgrace to the name of wizard if they don't even pay you well for it.

Mr. Gordon: We have a very different idea about what disgraces the name of wizard, Rawfley.

Rawfley: (glancing at the Gentilellas) Clearly. The company you keep, Gordon. And I thought your family could sink no lower.

(Mr. Gordon moves to hit Rawfley. Mr. Langoustine steps forward, puts a firm hand on Mr. Gordon's shoulder.)

Mr. Langoustine: Ignore 'im, Arthur.

(Mr. Gordon backs away. Rawfley tosses Oona's battered textbox back into her cauldron.)

Rawfley: Here, girl. Take your book. It's the best your father can give you.

(Rawfley and Tobias exit. Mr. Langoustine looks at the Gordons.)

Mr. Langoustine: No Gordon's worth listenin' ter. Rotten ter the core, the whole family...

(Nonny watches Tobias and his father go.)

End of Part 1.