Madagascar! (Part 1)

Transcript

 * (The little fish swim up to the title, "Madagascar".)
 * Little Fish: Madagascar!
 * (After the title fades away, the Little Fish swim off and the camera pans to Gil and Goby at the park.)
 * Gil: Hey, Goby.
 * Goby: Yes, Gil?
 * Gil: Yesterday, I've watched this great movie called Madagascar.
 * Goby: That's amazing! Wait. What is it about?
 * Gil: It's about four zoo animals: a lion named Alex, a zebra named Marty, a hippopotamus named Gloria, and a giraffe named Melman. Marty wants to go to the wild so he runs off and he, Alex, Gloria, and Melman end up at Madagascar.
 * Goby: Awesome! I wanna hear more!
 * Gil: Do you wanna hear the full story?
 * Goby: Uh-huh! But let's make our own version with us and our friends!
 * Gil: Okay! Music!
 * (The music from the opening of Madagascar starts playing.)
 * Gil: It all starts with Goby the zebra dreaming about being in the wild.
 * (Goby (in a zebra costume) is swinging on a vine with a Tarzan yell. He lands on the ground where a chorus of penguins are singing. The penguins fly away when Goby lands. He leaps over a large gap. He runs past a bush where Nonny (in a lion costume) sees him. He goes after him. He pops up in front of him.)
 * Nonny: Surprise! (wild background changes back to zoo background)
 * Goby: AAAAHHHH! (falls off of his treadmill) Nonny! Do not interrupt me when I'm daydreaming! When a zebra's in the zone, leave him alone.
 * Nonny: Come on, Goby. Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday.
 * Goby: Hey, man, thanks.
 * Nonny: Oh! Ah! (grunting) Hey, I got something stuck in my teeth. It's driving me crazy. Can you help me out here? Please?
 * Goby: Oh, you came to the right place my friend. Dr. Goby, D.D.S., is in the house! Please hop on top of my sterilized examination table, if you may.
 * (Nonny hops on top of a wall. Goby looks inside his mouth.)
 * Goby: I don't see anything.
 * Nonny: It's on the left.
 * Goby: Ow!
 * Nonny: Oh, sorry.
 * Goby: Just don't talk with your mouth full. Ah-ha! Right here! (pulls out a snowglobe) What the heck is this doing in here?
 * Nonny: Happy birthday!
 * Goby: Aw, hey, thanks, man. You put it in behind the tooth. You all right.
 * Nonny: These aren't even on a shelf yet. (shakes snowglobe) Here. Check it out. Check it out. Look at that! Ooh! Look at that! Ooh!
 * (Inside the snowglobe, Nonny is standing on a pedestal.)
 * Goby: Look at that. It's snowing.
 * (Goby pulls his snowglobe down, showing Nonny doing the same position as he is in the snowglobe.)
 * Nonny: 10 years old, huh? A decade. Double digits. The big 1-0. ...You don't like it?
 * Goby: No, no, it's great.
 * Nonny: You hate it. AGH! I should've got you the Nonny alarm clock. That's the one that's the big seller.
 * Goby: No, no, no. This present is great, really. (puts it next to his other presents) It's just that another year's come and gone and I'm still doing the same old thing. "Stand over here. Trot over there. Eat some grass. Walk back over here."
 * Nonny: I see your problem.
 * Goby: Maybe I should go to law school.
 * Nonny: You just need to break out of that boring routine.
 * Goby: How?
 * Nonny: Throw out the old act. Get out there. Who knows what you're gonna do. Make it up as you go along. Ad lib. Improvise. On the fly. Boom, boom, boom.
 * Goby: Really?
 * Nonny: You know, make it fresh.
 * Goby: Fresh, huh? Okay. I could do fresh.
 * Nonny: Works for me.
 * (Brass mechanical chimps ring the bell.)
 * Here come the people, Marty. I love the people. It's fun people fun time! Let's go, Gloria! Up and at 'em. We're open! What day is it? It's Friday! Field trip day! Yes, it's field trip day. Let's get up and go... ...in ten more minutes. Come on! Melman, Melman, Melman! Melman, Melman, Melman! Wake up! Rise and shine! It's another fabulous morning in the Big Apple. Let's go! - Not for me. I'm calling in sick. - What? I found another brown spot on my shoulder. Right here. See? Right there. You see? Melman, you know it's all in your head. Hm? Let's go! Come on!
 * (A 2D chimpanzee named Mason
 * Mason: Phil! (walks up to Phil, a disorganized mute chimp who only communicates in sign language, sleeping on a branch covered in root beer cans) Wake up you filthy monkey. (sits down reading the paper as Phil drinks the coffee)
 * Goby: Oh, I'm going to be fresh. Straight out the ground. Tasty fresh! Freshalicious. Ziploc fresh. Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, the Central Park Zoo proudly presents: Show them the cat. Who's the cat? The king of New York City. Alex the lion! It's showtime. Roar! Gather around, people. Big show about to start. Check out the zebra taking care of biz. That's right.
 * Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave. Kowalski, progress report! We're 500 feet from the main sewer line. - And the bad news? - We've broken our last shovel. Right. Rico, you're on litter patrol. We need shovels. And find more Popsicle sticks. We don't want to risk another cave-in.
 * Private: And me, Skipper?
 * Skipper: I want you to look cute and cuddly, Private. Today we're going to blow this dump.
 * Come here. Come here. Come on, penguin.
 * Marty: Yeah! You don't see that on Animal Planet! Ha-ha. Well, show's over, folks. Thanks for coming. I hope you thought it was fresh. I'll be here all week. In fact, I'll be here for my whole life. Three hundred and sixty-five days a year, including Christmas, Hanukkah, Halloween, Kwanzaa. And tip your cabby, because he's broke.
 * (The penguins all pop out from the ground in Goby's pen. The foursome look around. They notice the zebra.)
 * Skipper: You, quadrupeds. Sprechen sie Englisch? (Goby and Deema are confused at first) Do you speak English?
 * Goby: Yeah, I speak English.
 * Deema: We speak perfect English.
 * Skipper: What continent is this?
 * Goby: Bubble City.
 * Skipper: Hoover Dam! We're still in Bubbletucky. Abort! (shoves the penguins underground) Dive! DIVE, DIVE!
 * Deema: Hey. You in the tux!
 * Goby: Wait! (Skipper pops out) What are you guys doing? (the other penguins pop out)
 * Private: We're digging to Antarctica.
 * Skipper: Shh!
 * Deema: Ant-who-tica?
 * Skipper: Can you keep a secret, my monochromatic friends? Do you ever see any penguins running free around Bubble City? (Goby and Deema shake their heads) Of course not. We don't belong here. It's just not natural. This is all some kind of whacked-out conspiracy. We're going to the wide-open spaces of Antarctica. To the wild! (all penguins high-five)
 * Goby: The wild? You could actually go there?
 * Deema: That sounds great.
 * (The two zebras see the penguins gone again)
 * Goby: Hey, hold up. Where is this place?
 * Deema: Tell us where it is!
 * Skipper: (Skipper pops out) (sinks back in) You didn't see anything. (pops back out) Right?
 * Goby: Yes, sir. We're sorry. No, sir.
 * (Skipper grabs the Lion Nonny cup and sticks it back into the hole.)
 * Announcer: For his final appearance of the day, the king of New York City. Nonny the lion.
 * Nonny: Roar! Thank you. Thank you very much. You guys are great. You're a great crowd. Give yourselves a hand. Thank you. Oh. Thank you. Oh! Well. Thank you. Oh, that's too kind. Too kind.
 * (Nonny slingshots the underpants. Gil is licking his nose when the underpants land on him.)
 * Gil: AHHH! UNDERPANTS!
 * Nonny: Everybody get home safe. Hey! Check out my website. Twenty-four hour Nonny Cam. Watch me sleep.
 * (That evening, chefs bring out special food for Goby. Then for Molly.)
 * Molly: This is the life.
 * Gil: That's the spot. Oh! I'm in heaven.
 * (Nonny is getting his mane blow-dried when his steak shows up. He eats the whole steak.)
 * Molly: Whoo! It's Goby's birthday! - Just rip it open. - What is it? - Come on. Open it up. What you got? A thermometer. Thanks. I love it, Melman. I love it. I wanted to give you something personal. That was my first rectal thermometer. - I'll miss that bad boy. - Get the cake. Melman, come on. Happy birthday to you You live in a zoo You look like a monster And you smell like one too

Mason: I say! Aw, well, now, you guys are just embarrassing me. And yourselves.

Alex: What are you talking about? We worked on that all week. Let's go. Let's make a wish, babycakes. - What'd you wish for? - Nope. Can't tell you that. Come on. Tell. No siree. I'm telling you, it's bad luck. You want some bad luck, I'll blab it out. But if you want to be safe, I'll keep my mouth shut. Would you just tell us? What could happen?

Marty: OK. I wished I could go to the wild!

Alex: The wild?!

(melman eats the party thing and chokes)

(gloria gasps)

Marty: I told you it was bad luck.

Alex: The wild? Are you nuts? That is the worst idea I've ever heard. It's unsanitary. The penguins are going. So why can't I? The penguins are psychotic. Come on. Just imagine going back to nature. Back to your roots. Clean air, wide-open spaces! There's wide-open spaces in Connecticut. - Connecticut? - You got to go over to Grand Central. Then you got to take the Metro-North train... north? So one could take the train? Just hypothetically. Come on. What would Connecticut have to offer us? - Lyme disease. - Thank you, Melman. No, I just want... There's none of this in the wild. This is a highly refined type of food thing that you do not find in the wild. Ever thought there might be more to life than steak, Alex? He didn't mean that, baby. No, no, no. Doesn't it bother you guys that you don't know anything about life outside this zoo? - Nuh-uh. Nope. - Mm-mm. Well, I mean, come on. That's just one subject. You got a little schmutz right there on your...

Marty: Thanks, guys. Thanks for the party. It was great. Really.

Melman: What's eating him?

Gloria: Maybe you should talk to him. Go over and give him a little pep talk.

Alex: Hey, I already gave him a snow globe. I can't top that.

Melman: I can see where this is going. It is getting late. I guess I'm going to... Come on. He's your best friend. All right, all right. OK. - Night, Marty. - Night, Glo.

Alex: What a day. I mean, I tell you, it just doesn't get any better than this, you know? Ooh! It just did. Even the star's out. Not going to find a star like that in the wild.

Marty: Helicopter. Marty. Buddy. Listen. Everybody has days when they think the grass might be greener somewhere else. Alex. Look at me. I'm ten years old. My life is half over. And I don't even know if I'm black with white stripes... ...or white with black stripes. Marty. I'm thinking of a song. Alex. Please. Not now. Oh, yes. It's a wonderful song. I think you're familiar with it. Oh, no. Oh, no, you don't. No, no, no. I'm not listening! Start spreadin' the news I don't know you. I'm leaving today - We are a great big part of it - He's funny. Who is that? Come on. You know you know the words. Two little words. New York. New York Shut up, shut up, shut up! Hey, I'm sleeping here! We're not all nocturnal! I'll knock your "turnal" right off, pal. Yeah, you and what army, stripes? You mess with him, you mess with me, Howard. - You're a bigmouth lion. - See? Mr. Grumpy Stripes. We make a great team, the two of us. We sure do. No doubt about it. So, what are you going to do? Go running off to the wild by yourself? - No. - Good. You and me. Let's go. - What?

Marty: The wild. Come on. You and me together. It's a straight shot down Fifth Avenue to Grand Central. We'll grab a train, we'll head north. We can be back by morning. No one will ever know. You're joking. Right? Yeah. I'm joking. Of course I'm joking. Give me a break. Like we're going to get a train. Don't do that. You really had me worried there. Oh, well. I guess I'll hit the sack. Yeah, me too. I'll need to rest my voice for tomorrow. It's Seniors' Day, you know. Have to roar extra loud. Give them a little jolt. You know?

Marty: Good night, Ally Al. They forgot to turn off the ambience again.

Marty: Don't worry. It's cool. You know, I got it. Much better. Come on, now, baby. My little filet. My little filet mignon with a little fat around the edges. I like that. I like a little fat on my steak. My sweet, juicy steak. You are a rare delicacy. Alex. Alex. Alex! What? What? You suck your thumb? What is it, Melman? You know how I have that bladder infection and I have to get up every two hours? I got up to pee and looked over at Marty's pen, which I usually don't do. I don't know why, but I did. And... What? What's going on? It's Marty. He's gone.

Alex: Gone?! What do you mean, "gone"?

Melman: How long has he been working on this? Marty! Marty!

Gloria: He wouldn't fit down there. Marty? Marty! Marty! This doesn't make any sense. Where would he go? - Connecticut! - He wouldn't. Oh, no! What are we going to do? I mean, we got to call somebody!

Alex: Hello? Get me Missing Animals. And hurry. We've got a lost zebra on the way to Connecticut, and we need... - Hello? Hello?

Alex: Wait a second. We can't call the people. - What the? They'll be really mad. It'll get Marty transferred. Don't bite the hand that feeds you. I know that's right. We got to go after him. He's not thinking straight. Stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life. He's probably out there lost and cold, confused. Poor little guy. Come on. One of us should wait in case he comes back. Not now. This is an intervention. We all got to go. What's the fastest way to Grand Central? - You should take Lexington. - Melman! - OK. "We." We should take Lexington. - What about Park? No, Park goes two ways. You can't time the lights.
 * (Mason and Phil the chimps peek through the hole, wanting to go, too.)
 * Mason: I heard Tom Wolfe is speaking at Lincoln Center. (Phil sign languages) Well, of course we're going to throw poo at him. (both chimps leave)
 * (Goby is ice skating. Meanwhile, the animals are waiting at the subway. Nonny peeks out.)
 * Nonny: We should've taken Park. Sure this is the fastest way to Grand Central Station?
 * Molly: (peeks out) I don't know! That's what Melman said.
 * Gil: Hey. Hey, you, guys. That room has some nifty little sinks you can wash up in, and look! (reveals actual mint (instead of toilet cake) on tongue) Free mints!
 * Nonny: This isn't a field trip. This is an urgent mission to save Goby from throwing his life away. Now, where's the train?
 * Gil: Ah, here it comes. (all three peek their heads

Gloria: What did Marty say to you? I asked you to talk to him!

Alex: I did! I did! I don't understand! He said, "Let's go." I said, "Are you crazy?" He says, "I'm ten years old." And he has black-and-white stripes, and so then we sang and...

Police Horse: What you got to do is go straight back down West 42nd. It's on your left after Vanderbilt. If you hit the Chrysler Building, you've gone too far.

Marty: Thanks a lot, officer.

Police Horse: Hey! Wait for the light. Freak.

Police radio: Did you say "zebra"?

Police Officer: That's right. A zebra. Right in front of me. Can I shoot it?

Police radio: Negative.

Police Officer: Then I'm going to need some backup.

Alex: Aw! Knicks lost again.

Melman: What are you going to do?

Alex: Did that say "Grand Central Station" or "my aunt's constipation"

Gloria: This is it.

Marty: Grand Central Station! It's grand and it's central.

Alex: Move aside. We have an emergency here. This is an emergency situation. Hey, hey. Just chill out. It's not that big of an emergency.

Old Lady: Upstairs, downstairs. How do you like that?

Alex: Lady! What is wrong with you? Ow! Get a grip on yourselves, people.

Old Lady: You're a bad kitty!

Marty: Dagnabbit! I missed the express. Looks like I'll have to take the Stamford local.

Alex: I got him! I've got him!

Gloria: He's got him!

Melman: He's got him! He's got him! He's got...

Old Lady: I got something for you!

Melman: I'm OK. I'm OK.

Marty: Whoa! What are you guys doing here? - I am so glad we found you. - We were so worried about you.

Marty: Don't worry, I'm fine, I'm fine. Look at me. I'm fine.

Alex: You're fine? Oh, he's fine. Oh, great. You hear that? Marty's fine. That's good to know. Because I was wondering... How could you do this to us? I thought we were your friends! What's the big deal? I was coming back. Don't ever do this again. You hear me? - Do you hear him?

Melman: Guys, We're running out of time.

Gloria: Oh, Melman, you broke their clock?

Alex: ...do this again! Don't you ever, ever do this again!

Gloria: Come here.

Skipper: We've been ratted out, boys. Hold your ****! Cute and cuddly, boys. Cute and cuddly.

Mason: If you have any poo, fling it now.

Marty: It's the Man. Good evening, officers.

Alex: No. No. No. You don't talk now. OK? You're not good with the "putting words together and their coming out good" thing. You keep it "shh". Hey! How you doing? You know what? Everything's cool. We just had a little situation here. Little internal situation. My friend went a little crazy. It Happens to everybody. The city gets to us all. Went a little cuckoo in the head.

Marty: Don't be calling me cuckoo in the head.

Alex: Just shush! I will handle this.

Old Lady: I got him! Go, go, go! Right here, please.

Alex: Would you give a guy a break? We'll take my little friend home and forget this ever happened. All right? No harm, no foul, right? Hey, it's cool. It's me, Alex the lion. From the zoo. What's the matter with them? I feel really, really weird. I love you guys. I love you so much.

News Reporter: Last night's dramatic incident in Grand Central is an example of what animal rights wackos have been shouting for years: Animals clearly don't belong in captivity. They are to be sent back to their natural habitat, where they will live their lives in the freedom they desire.

Alex: Hey. Little help?

Guard: He's awake! He's awake!

Alex: Oh, man.